My wish for 2010

Every year I make the same New Years Resolution - to lose 100 lbs by the end of the month...or some other weight loss resolution....I never made one for 2009. But 2009 turned out to be the worst year of my life...and yes, I do realize, I will have another year down the road that turns out to be just as awful...but losing a parent, getting into an accident bad enough to total your car, your 91 year old grandmother flipping her car and a terminally ill cat can throw you into a tailspin. So I spent the month of December eating my way into oblivion and doing some soul searching. It didn't help that the entire month, 5 or 6 people decided to chew me to shreds....my self-esteem is shattered. Pretty much everyone hates me. I hate me....when I wrote that post about hating myself, I hadn't even had some of those devasting conversations yet. So...I decided that 2010 is going to be about me...because for once, I think I'm worthy. And this year I've made a few resolutions:

1. To put me before anyone else
2. To read several self help books and really work on myself so that other find me more bearable.
3. To lose the weight, and not always come up with excuses to fall off the wagon
4. To spend at least 15 minutes a day on my personal appearance
5. To become a gym bunny

My plan is to start with losing 16 pounds this month - the first month is always the easiest. I am doing the Special K challenge...or at least trying to....I'm not off to a good start, but I'm definately minding my intake and hope to post at least a small loss this week. I'm only going to weigh myself once a week, anything more than that and I beat myself up for .5. I am planning on going to the gym at least once a day, most days....I will be meeting with my trainer 3x week and I'm at the gym at least 2 other days for work....even if it's something little. I bought two self help books "Helping me help myself" and "Too nice for your own good". I'm going to start there. I've been trying to be a bit more introvert, speak less, work harder but quieter....this will be a tough one. And finally, to spend more time on myself. I don't dress well and I don't fuss with my appearance much. I used to be quite a pretty girl, and parts of me are still asthetically pleasing...but it takes much more to look good now. So, I'm going to use lotion, make-up, blow dry my hair, use products, take bubble baths....I also want to get back into blogging...I've missed it. I'm cleaning up my blog list today and slowly, I think I'd like to build it back up again. I'm also journaling. I used to journal like it was going out of style. Again, making excuses. But it's easy to carry my journal and jot things down while I'm feeling them and analyze them later. bottom line is, If I don't love me, no one will...so here's to 2010 being a year of transition!