Jealous

I am jealous of everyone who has summers off.
I am jealous of everyone who still has their parents.
I am jealous of everyone who makes more money than me, has less debt than me.
I am jealous of everyone getting married now, despite the fact that I'm married and love my husband.
I am jealous of all the first time home buyers while we're still trying to get our affairs in order.
I am jealous of everyone who's household has two full time wage earners.
I am jealous of everyone who's passed the LCSW test.
I am jealous of all my fellow riders who have new bikes when all I have is a busted mountain bike....
I am jealous of a lot of things....and am struggling to move forward when it feels like everything is pushing me back!

Thank you and HELP ME

First I want to thank the 7 people who still read my blog...and thank you to the handful of lurkers as well. It is nice to feel heard and share a common struggle...speaking of struggle...I am eating everything in sight! I have been training with my trainer now for a month and a half and I feel so totally different but I haven't lost any weight...and part of my problem is that I'm eating too much. I just went shopping tonight and the house has food but my life has been crazy....went to a concert, had a picnic, went to a team party, working two jobs, going to the gym and getting home late...the excuses are innumerable...this week I have a training session tomorrow and work before and after, Wednesday I have work then going to a chiropractor, Thursday is work and a training session and Friday is a white water rafting party for one of my gymnasts...Saturday I have off for once and hope to spend with hubby and Sunday I'm going to the circus....somewhere in there I need to study. Finally...just reaching out there...I still need more donations for my bike ride....for the actual group and for myself....I'm trying to buy a nice bike since this is something I really enjoy and I need to pay for my airfare...so if anyone is willing to donate, here's my link: https://www.tourdavita.org/donate/Megan_Gervais_1407/index.html

Just wondering....is anyone out there still reading my blog...I feel lonely =(

Dandy....

Things are going well here. I've been studying my brains out....the cats seem to think my study materials are for them to lay on....but they move with some encouragement. I had a great weekend with my husband and a productive one. We went for like a 5 mile walk and I picked wild flowers and I spent hours yesterday cleaning and cooking. I even went through my clothes that don't fit because they were too small and have some "new" pants. I completed one month of my personal training and my trainer had me do the same exercise I did the very first time...he timed it the first time - I took 10:30 off....I'm feeling good...life is moving forward....I'll be posting pics soon!

Stood up

So today I went to the gym for my Thursday training session....I expected it to be pretty intense today since all I did on Tuesday was run. Jon said I needed to burn off my weekend celebration...and that today's workout would be tough. I did my warm up, stetched and waited....went downstairs...Jon left to go to a fundraiser....but I'm proud of myself. Normally, I would've said, Well I worked out a little bit, got a sweat, might as well leave...but instead I stayed and rode the bike for 6 miles, and a great time and then sat in the sauna for 10 minutes, took a shower, picked up dinner, which I didn't eat, went to my mom's and here I am...I'm proud of myself...
I also won Cammy's give-away so I'm wicked excited! Yoga here I come!

Happy Anniversary

Today is my second wedding anniversary with my husband...and nine years since we started dating. We spent the whole weekend together, taking day trips and I feel refreshed. I am not looking forward to tomorrow, but time to get back into the swing of things. I'll be posting pictures from visiting the mansions in Newport, RI later....until then - have a nice evening!

For the record

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone....but I feel I need to talk something out....I've been trying to be very introspective lately...and it's come to my attention that I don't have as much personal support as I'd like....but I was talking about this with some people and they were telling me that it's because I don't talk about my feelings much or try to reach out....so I've been trying to do that on here....but maybe I'm expressing too much....or using really deep words....
I know that when I'm talking about my dad or my cat I talk about deep grief and I guess that makes people feel uncomfortable or like I'm on the edge. But for those that do not know, I am a social worker....so that language, that way of expressing myself is normal. I am depressed, I am grief-stricken, I am anxious....but I am also in control. I will be the first person to recommend therapy to someone, as I am a therapist myself by training, but I don't feel I need it...I am progressing through the stages of grief and trying to move forward. I've also had a bad experience as a youth with therapy and just can't jump back into that. But I appreciate everyone's concern and comments about therapy. And I know this sounds defensive...I'm working on that...but I just want people to understand why I use such strong words and that I'm going to be ok...this is a process and with my dad, it's only been 4 months...and with my cat....I just want to make sure he's having the best life possible and I'm not keeping him alive for me....that's he happy and as healthy as he can be. Thanks!! Please leave comments if you still love me!