Finding the ray of sunshine on a cloudy day

I recently applied for a transfer at work as I work nearly an hour away from home. The perfect opportunity arose and I finally felt confident to go for it. I had my interview yesterday. It was wonderful. And then it all crumbled. I made a big mistake, one that can't be corrected and it snowballed from there. I will probably have a corrective action against me and therefore would be unable to transfer. I have other reasons why this transfer was the next great step in moving towards my goals. So I'm am stuck in my current location/position and now have to do some soul searching about whether or not I want to stay where I'm at or look for another position. I'm too emotional right now to figure out anything that deep but I have decided to focus on my other job and my life outside of work...I need to make myself help to counteract all of the negativity I feel at work.
Anywho...I was in an awful mood this morning so I went to weigh in and decided to skip the meeting. I kept telling myself that I just wanted to lose 1.4 to say that I'd lost 5 pounds...I've just been feeling unsuccessful...it's hard to brag about 3 pounds...especially after 3 weeks. So, I hop on the scale and the woman says 4.6. So I'm thinking I only lost one pound. I was so dissapointed. I looked at her and told her as much, saying I wished I'd cleared 5 pounds. She was like, no, that's what you lost this week, you're down 8.2 total. It's hard to be joyful when so much about my job is in the air....but this was my ray of sunshine for today.

Hungry

This week I've been starving. I'm making good choices and working out but I'm still over my points most days. I still have 35 points plus left until tomorrow but I used activity points. I really want to lose 1.4 this week to say I've lost 5 pounds but I feel like this is taking forever and I'm afraid I'm not tough enough to make it.

Week two

Here's my weigh in and my previous post was about my new recipe... I'm having a good time and this was perfect timing!

New recipe for the fall challenge

I admit I wasn't all that creative because we have so much food in the house, I didn't feel like shopping. But I've never made mashed cauliflower. I just took a head of cauliflower and boiled it. Then I mashed it. I used about 2/3 cups of light butter amd garlic sea salt, pepper and chives. I finished it off with a sprinkle of parmesan. It's yummy!

I owe a picture for the fall challenge. I'm down a bit more but I just wanted to stay honest!

Week one - done!!

So I'm trying to post my first week's weigh in...it's not working so well...it won't let me add my picture...the scale said 256.2...I guess I'll have to add it later!! How'd everyone else do!

Honesty

I'm feeling unsettled today...this was not a good weekend. My week was pretty nerve wracking too. I found out that two dialysis clinics close to my house were looking for a social worker. I love what I do but my daily commute is 68 miles more days, 84 at least one day....I am spending hours in my car per week and ruining my vehicles. I am tired of the commute. There are also a million reasons why this change would be good for me...but I was afraid to tell my boss I applied for a transfer, and afraid I won't get it so I spent the end of the week a mess. When I finally told me boss, she was really supportive...and I am hopeful to get this opportunity to change. What pushed me over the edge today is my little black kitten. She turned one on Thursday. I'm really thankful she made it to one. When we were trying to get her fixed, she failed her pre-op blood work and EKG. She has a liver and heart issue...and there's no clue about what her life expectancy is...it broke my heart...I was hoping for many years of lively cats but apparently I am supposed to love this broken baby. She displays no signed of being special...except today. She was sitting outside on my lap and she started panting. She stopped immediately once I brought her inside but I don't know what caused it...which made me think of her heart issue. I always become a hot mess when it comes to my cats...but of course, once I'm out of sorts, I move onto other things. I think about holidays with my super elderly grandmother and I'm afraid of her...because she choked and was in the hospital...I wish I could embrace this time with her but it makes me unsettled. Then I think about having a baby and how frustrating it is not getting pregnant. I started using a fertility monitor and it hasn't said I've ovulated...I'm feeling hopeless. I had bloodwork done but I'm afraid to call the doctor about it. I just get so down...and hopeless...and so strung out and I don't know what to do to fix it. I'm plenty busy but I always find time to marinate in ugliness...I will end this on a bright note...I had my first official WW weight in...down 2.4. Of course I was dissapointed it wasn't over 5 pounds...but I know that's not the right attitude...I'm looking forward to Saturday!

Day One

So I just posted my day one weight for the fall challenge.
If you want to know more about the challenge, click here. It's my end of the day weight but the same as my WW weigh in... Hoping to see good numbers on Saturday...

Welcome to Weight Watchers....

Today I joined WW....after years of slanderous talk about how stupid it is to count points and go to meetings, I can no longer deny the millions of people in the world who have had success and the handful of people in my immediate circle who have had great success with the program....and I've gotten sick of losing the same 20 pounds over and over again...I wasted my 20s by being a blob who hated her life...I'm nearly one year into my 30s and I don't want to make it to 40 resentful that I didn't accomplish everything I ever wanted to....I weighed in at 259...eww....and my points seem quite high....I didn't actually think I was going to start today but I'm paying for it so why waste it...I'm looking forward to a month from now and being able to say that I've finally lost weight!

Stepping up to the Challenge

So I've decided that it's time to challenge myself. I've hosted a challenge, but I've never actually competed. I'm also planning on signing up for Weight Watchers...the one diet thing I've never tried but so many people have had good luck with it....so I'm stepping up to the challenge....bring it!!