Thursday, March 20, 2008
I am so frustrated......I feel like I'm doing all the right things when it comes to changing my life, but I feel like I'm not getting the results I'm looking for. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. I have been drinking over 100 oz of water a day. I have been bringing lunches to work every day. I have been cooking nearly every night and making sensible choices when I'm out. I have been very active, around my home and at my other job. And while I can admit that I occassionally make bad choices like eating a fudge wheel last night before I went to gymnastics practice, that shouldn't be the straw that breaks the camels back. My watch and rings have been loose and circling around my fingers and wrist. My pants are all but falling off. I went to Old Navy last night and bought 4 pairs of pants and two of them were a size smaller and while I admit that they don't fit great....they're going to if I keep loosing like I am. But I ventured to step on the scale today since it's been 5 days since the last weigh in and I couldn't resist....and I'm up two pounds. And this is where I always get stuck, where I give in. I loose 20 pounds and then nothing...and I feel too weak to continue. But I feel like I've been stuck for awhile and still have managed to play by the rules...I was even taking my Meridia last week. Maybe I'm not putting in enough effort. Maybe I need to be a gym bunny....maybe I need to work out for an hour a day....but that thought daunts me....I don't feel like I have time for anything, not even myself. Maybe I need to live on salads...but I just cut out most carbs....I have one at breakfast, one at lunch and one at dinner...and one as a snack during work...but other than that, it's been fruits and veggies. I was eating more carbs when I started this...and I also cut out a bunch of dairy as I think I was eating too much cheese and was drinking a glass of milk every night...but I wonder if that was something that was actually helpful...I guess I just need to keep experimenting and hope that my body gets the hint...I'm done looking this way and feeling disgusting and wondering how to camoflage the obesity...so here's to hoping that on Sunday, the scale will have moved, even if it's only a teensy weensy bit, because sadly, I need that affirmation!