Saturday, November 20, 2010


I am a liar....not usually....just in refence to the last post I wrote...I'm not doing fact, it's prolly reaching critical. I hate my situation...not living with my husband is definately taking a's hard to have a relationship when I'm staying somewhere else....but I love my mom and my cat and I don't mind making the sacrifice....I'm more concerned with myself. I hate me again....I hate how I look, how I can't lose weight, how I've let this situation allow me to balloon, but it's hard to cook when all you've got is a grill and a microwave and so we eat out all the time...and I don't make good choices. I'm in the angry state I'm I do the opposite of what would change things...I'm also tired of the constant barage of comments from the awful people in my life that I can't change. I'm tired of being told I'd be pretty if I lost weight...don't even get me started...I'm trying to care, but its so much easier to say screw it and eat like crap. I assure everyone, as soon as I have a functional kitchen, it's on...and if I have my shoulder surgery, I'm going to be my focus for awhile....I need to save myself. We had mandatory blood work for work and everything came back high - my cholesterol, my blood sugar, even my BP which is normally low...In a very dramatic sense, I feel like I'm dying....


Sassy said...

You ARE beautiful.
Even if all I have is a small picture in your profile to see (and I'm not sure which one, if any, is you!) are. I don't lie.
I know exactly how you feel. 100%. Beauty is both inside and out, but sometimes it's hard to see the outter beauty when we are not happy with ourselves. You seem to be facing some stresses lately with not living at home and with the renos on the house...that adds a lot to one's self image/esteem.
Hang in there.
I'll hang in there with you. I'm in the same boat. Frustrated. Feeling crappy about myself, etc etc. We will prevail! :)

Lovebug6100 said...

Im the one on the left - I need to update that section...I'm 29 officially tomorrow...and I appreciate your warm doesn't look like you're currently blogging...did I read the wrong blog?

Sassy said...

See?! I was right! You are beautiful!
I blog under the Knick-knacks and knickers. A pea in the Pod or the other one aren't active really.
Hope you had a great birthday!! I'll be *gulp* 32 in March!

Anonymous said...

I've never met you before so I can only generalize what I am going to say next. You feel like your dying, you feel alienated by others, you feel that you need to save yourself. All these feelings are yours and no one can take these away from you. However, the hard truth is that you need to do this yourself and take action immediately. Not tommorow, not next week, now. Make sacrifices and start out slow. Stop blaming the kitchen issue for bad eating habits, you can buy a hotplate at a thrift store and I'm sure you have a pot lying around. I work in the health care system and have talked to dieticians, they all agree that eating out is much more expensive than eating healthy less fat food. You have access to the internet, so start researching. Look up food that you can make on a budget using simply a hotplate. I assure you that as soon as you start eating healthy on a regular basis you will feel better about yourself emoitionally, physically, and mentally. Take action! Take control of your life. I hope this empowered you and this was of no means a personal attack. Smile, you have so much to live for, you just have to realize it.

From an anonymous nursing student.

Sassy said...

Merry Christmas!! I hope you have a holiday filled with sweet memories and a happy healthy 2011!!

~ Sassy