Liar

I am a liar....not usually....just in refence to the last post I wrote...I'm not doing ok...in fact, it's prolly reaching critical. I hate my situation...not living with my husband is definately taking a toll...it's hard to have a relationship when I'm staying somewhere else....but I love my mom and my cat and I don't mind making the sacrifice....I'm more concerned with myself. I hate me again....I hate how I look, how I can't lose weight, how I've let this situation allow me to balloon, but it's hard to cook when all you've got is a grill and a microwave and so we eat out all the time...and I don't make good choices. I'm in the angry state I'm in...so I do the opposite of what would change things...I'm also tired of the constant barage of comments from the awful people in my life that I can't change. I'm tired of being told I'd be pretty if I lost weight...don't even get me started...I'm trying to care, but its so much easier to say screw it and eat like crap. I assure everyone, as soon as I have a functional kitchen, it's on...and if I have my shoulder surgery, I'm going to be my focus for awhile....I need to save myself. We had mandatory blood work for work and everything came back high - my cholesterol, my blood sugar, even my BP which is normally low...In a very dramatic sense, I feel like I'm dying....

Holy shit - where'd the time go! I can't believe it's been two months since I've last blogged...it feels like an eternity...not much has changed...the house is still a work of art...and a work in progress....I'm still living at my mom's - one day I'll actually ive in the house that I've spent some much blood sweat and tears over. 2 weeks ago I dislocated my shoulder so I'm half out of commission...and not having a fully functioning kitchen has proved to be a challenge for me in terms of losing weight....by the time I live here tho, my kitchen will be gorgeous and I will be so totally sick of eating out that it's never going to happen again...hope everyone else out here is doing well - please say hello if you've stopped by!